I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
