You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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