you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
