I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
