you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
