someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
two words...techno handjob
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
