i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
