also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My dick has a subreddit
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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