so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Shame - the story of my life.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
