why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
