I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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