just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize