even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
