when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
