sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
