My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
this will be a night to untag.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
