Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My ATM looks so different sober.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
