im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize