I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
