sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
