I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize