Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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