I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
