Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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