am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
