so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
