I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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