you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
