I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
