I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
