Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
