Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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