R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
