im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
