Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
