Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize