Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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