We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
