god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize