She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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