We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
