you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
