Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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