I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
