apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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