i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
