when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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