Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
