ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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