I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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