Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
