It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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