apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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