It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
