He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
