I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Boobs are out for the taking
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
