She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Someone signed my nipple.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
