Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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