Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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