Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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