I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
