ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
