Where is the hickey?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Randomize
