I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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