first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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