Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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