Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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