my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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