By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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