honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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