So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You were trust falling into bushes
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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