Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
