Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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